two bah's and a gaaaah

maybe i do see the negative in things a lot but i don't think i'm as bad as most people. i like to think i'm a realist. i tend to see things more as they are than how i'd like them to be.

i hate being told what to do. i'm not even going to go into more explanation than that but i just wanted to put that out there. i hatehatehate being told what to do. i also hate when people assume. don't assume. you don't know me. you might think you have me all figured out but believe me; you do not.

ugh. i feel like going on a tirade right now. and its not even worth it. there's really no point. people will form their ideas and opinions based on a few interactions, and that's just fine. if you're going to typecast me by just a few attributes and a few of your own perceptions, so be it.

for clarification; very few people know me. very few. very, very few. you might think you know me, but you have no idea. what a stale statement to use, but it sure holds some validity.

bah. stupid.

don't judge me

please allow me to be a huge dork for the next, oh, 10 minutes or so.

i finished twilight last night. you know where you get to the point in a book where there's no chance you'll be putting it down until you've completed the last page? well, i got to that point around 8pm last night. let's just say it was a late night. i didn't get to bed until around midnight. i'm usually in bed by 10pm. don't judge me. i'm an old lady.

sidetrack: cut to me in the bookstore buying the sequel to twilight. after commenting how i am buying a book from the 'young adult' section the middle-aged sales clerk reassures me, "oh you have no idea how many 45 year old housewives and moms i get in here buying these books." to which i reply, "HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM EXACTLY?!"

but i digress. it was a smart move on my part to go out and buy new moon before i finished twilight b/c i want to jump right into the next book tonight. i was going to blog about my super good/scary/intense dream in which edward saved me a million times from things that wished me harm but i'm feeling a little too dorky right now so...

and scene.

in summation; a book report: twilight isn't going to be winning any awards for literary expertise but OMG is it a good read! if you're looking for something you won't be able to put down - cha-ching!

ya know, i kind of scoffed at the movie at first because it took the place of the next harry potter movie which got pushed back to next summer but i'm glad i bit the bullet and started the series. kudos to me!

hello. i'm thirteen.

i'm reading twilight right now in anticipation for the movie and i'm starting to develop a big ol' 13 yr old girl crush on edward cullen. i think maybe for the sake of my reputation i need to stay away from teen novels (after i finish this series, of course!) i have such a long list of books to read. i'm really enjoying getting back into the groove of reading. it's such a great feeling of accomplishment when you finish a book. getting started is always the hardest part. it always takes me a few chapters before i'm completely enthralled in the book and have a hard time putting it down.

the best books are the ones that i find myself wishing i'm reading while i'm doing other things. they're the books that make me turn the tv off because the world i create in my head while i read them is far more captivating than the one created for me on television. so far twilight is fitting into that category. gah! why do i always turn into such a dork for shit like this?

wait what am i doing?? i better get back to reading!

tis the season

bah. we're supposed to get snow this afternoon. okay, so as much as i complain about snow - it really does kind of put me in the holiday spirit. i can't wait to get out and do some shopping. i'm also looking forward to the time when it's socially acceptable to start putting up some christmas decorations. i feel any time before thanksgiving is too early. if i do it this soon i'll be sick of christmas before christmas is even here!

the madison holiday market is this weekend so i'm looking forward to going to that and getting some shopping out of the way early. it's always good to space it out - especially when our economy is in the crapper.

hopefully our new president will bring a breath of fresh air to the country and things will start looking up. i think that all it will take is for people to start having confidence again. of course, if people are negative then things really will be negative. it's all a matter of outlook i think.

hello mr. president!

i respect the opinions of others.

that being said, i have no place for blatant negativity. some people found that out on november 4th when barack obama became the first african american president-elect of the united states.

i have nothing but respect for people who voted for mccain if they voted on the issues. however, i can name a handful of people i know who voted against obama strictly because he's black - and that's bullshit.

i really found out who people were that night when some peoples facebook statuses were extremely vulgar and racist. and you know what? DELETE. bye. i have no place for that. it's absolutely disgusting. it's the year 2008. wake up.

ya know what else i don't have time for? people who stick to their biases. i want to surround myself with people who are educated; people who have a craving for learning and growing.

i don't need the negative. i don't need the bullshit.

and with that; hellooo mr. president!

jungle fever!

while i in no way am as masterful as mrs. banda with my cuppycake skillz, i still managed to snap a few photos of the cuppycakes i made for my birthday treat for work tomorrow:



my cuppycakes fight segregation:



tada!

reminiscence

dreams are an evil, evil thing.

so recently i stumbled upon an old relationship that hasn't been thought of for at least 6 years or so. well, i wouldn't say hasn't been thought of - but it surely hasn't been thought of in the mindset in which it's been in my head lately.

ugh okay i'm not even going to try and dance around it in fear of the wrong person reading this so here goes...

so the sister of an exboyfriend added me as a friend on myspace. i'm not going to pretend like i didn't have ulterior motives when i accepted the friendship. i wanted to peruse her pictures and (fine, be a stalker) and find out what's been going on in the life of the first person i ever loved. (okay, loved? who knows what it was but at the time i thought it was love...)

so he's married. i knew that already. i ran into his parents awhile back while working at chili's and heard he was engaged so i wasn't at all shocked to see wedding pictures. okay, maybe a little shocked. he looked the same yet completely different. he looked happy, which in turn made me happy. i am genuinely happy for him.

a little background: i was kind of a bitch in high school and broke up with him. i think we had been dating almost 2 years. i was a senior in HS and i think he was a sophomore in college... the distance thing just wasn't working out. i needed to flap my wings and figure out who i was (which mind you, i still haven't quite figured out). i'm pretty sure i broke the poor kids heart, but anyway, i digress.

so at the time of viewing the myspace photos i was just kind of like "oh chris got married, cute wife... nice." no feelings other than those of "ahh those were the days." well, the "those were the days" feelings slowly turned into thinking of the first time we kissed, how i used to lie to my parents about riding the activity bus home so we could go to the park, him surprising me on valentines day from college. ugh, which in turn then manifested into an actual dream last night.

i had a dream i was at his wedding (why i was even invited, i have no idea). the details aren't important but they had this big romantic kiss and it was raining and i was left feeling a little jealous. even when i woke up this morning i still felt the pangs of jealousy.

this is so silly. i have no feels for the guy whatsoever. its like i'm second guessing myself or something. the things of our relationship that i've remembered have of course been all the happy times when we were young and stupid and still had that puppy love glow about us. i know in reality it wasn't perfect. there was that constant control, fear of loss, scramble for grip. instead of thinking about what was, im left thinking of what i imagine things to be; again.

so anyway. i won't lie and say i haven't imagined this "if we meet again" encounter in my head. i picture us bumping into each other one day. getting together for coffee, laughing at ourselves and how we thought things were way back when, and then getting up, moving on and never seeing each other again; perfectly content in what is now.

wishful thinking i guess.